Meet the Parents...

At 14 or even 24, I never thought one day I will miss my parents. I was famous for scooting off with frnds to stay away from the ‘boring’ house at the drop of a hat. As a result, I became the notorious, insensitive, and rebellious child and my stay-at-home sister earned the reputation of being the well behaved, loving, and obeying good daughter.

Well..siblings of diverse dispositions come from parents of diverse dispositions

Mom is a very regular Mom... plump, cozy, unbearably fussy, exceedingly caring, short tempered with her own children but extremely polite with strangers, finger-lickingly good cook, soap serial lover, action movie hater, bargaining champ, sentimental about marriages, more society fearing than God fearing, and thinks Barista is run by thugs who charge 65 bucks for a 10 bucks coffee by only renaming it as Cappuccino.

Dad on the other hand is most irregular. Hates news channels, loves comic books and action packed movies, willingly enters the kitchen and cooks real kick-ass paranthas, cares a rat abt society, wears denims on weekends, irons his own clothes, drinks gin with his daughters, doesn’t believe in any glamour or non-glamour mahatma/baba/mata etc, prefers fiction to management gyan, loves ‘spending’ money rather than saving it, and also knows that ‘black eyed peas’ is not a fancy dish but a hip-hop band.

But sometimes, a role-reversal happens and they leave me stumped…

Me- what did u do on the weekend?
Mom- Papa Departed dikhane le gaye they..

What the….. whats wrong with Dad? Departed ?? of all the movies?? Its not only action packed but also is full of expletives!

Me- (embarrassed)- Hummmm…Papa bhi na…
Mom- (laughing) achhi thi…
Me- (surprised but still embarrassed and trying to change the subject)- Haan..nice acting.
Mom- (still laughing) Nahinn… Woh Indian usme hindi gaali deta hai ..
Me- (wincing..and scared.. Is my mother going to speak the unspeakable? Desparately trying to digress) haan…..not good...Papa ko bolo Dor dikhane le jaayenge…
Mom- Tchh, array maine teees saal pehle yeh sab suna hai London mein…
Me- (not wanting to pursue this further..) Papa kahan hain..?

Papa takes over

Papa- Maine woh stone wala pendant bhej diya hai…pehen lena…

What the…?

Me- Papa???!! I wont wear any pendant-shendant.

Papa- Shut up and wear it… ..it costed us a bomb. .Saphire is good for ur health and will also bring money!


I love them still! :-)

Lang'rage!

I was always short tempered or 'cantankerous'(as some call me) ..but its getting out of hand lately. I think i might get into trouble.
Ppl who know me, must know that my sleep is the most precious thing to me in this entire world...which is a really bad thing..but then thats how it is...(my mom took 25 years to accept it!). So, anything that wakes me up early is a bitch! And work makes me wake up early five days a week...but work is anyway a bitch!

Anyhow, grumbling... i get ready to wait for the office cab at sharp 7:20 am on the busy main road outside my building..! Patience runs out quicker than water gets into the sand...and its 15 min already...after several 'angry-pitch' calls to the transport dept..the cab driver calls up...
Driver: blaahha bluh blahhhhh blahhh bluh blahh bloo'aaa?

Me: (fuming) can u speak in english?

Driver: Apaaatment...apaatment..?

I give him my 'apaaatment' name

Driver: blaahha bluh blahhhhh blahhh bluh blahh bloo'aa
Me: Kyaaa?
Driver: blaahha bluh blahhhhh... Hindi illaa...blahhh bluh blahh bloo
I disconnect...
Another 10 minutes..No cab..
I call up transport again ... and finally after a 30 minute wait outside my apaatment...i the cab arrives.
(I am almost insane with rage..!Its PMS and a lot more going on for me to keep my cool these days.)
I get inside the cab..its reeking of 'beedi' and booze! The anger increases manifold.If my brain was made of iron..it would have been smoulering red hot.

Me: B'lore mein naye ho kya? Meenakshi Temple nahin pata?
Driver: blaahha bluh blahhhhh blahhh bluh blahh bloo...HINDI illaaa...
By this time i am in a completely unrecognizable, out-of-character, HULK, mode and mutter...
Behenchod.....!
(it came out louder than i thought it would!)
The driver stares at me from the rear view mirror..with bloody eyes!

Me: Hindi nahin aati na? Aage dekh!

Its quite mortifying when u think of such incidents in a calmer frame of mind.

However, i am glad 'gaalis' are universal.