NO WAY!

God's sense of humor is getting really sad with each day...!
Here is a brief account of last week's happenings


Had really bad joint pains(NOT funny...!) ..so decided to bunk ofc and go see an orthopedic ..

The doctor kept on asking if i have 'fever' along with the pain..i said 'No,but i do feel feverish'..(there is certainly a difference between 'having fever' and 'feeling feverish'...which I am sure the doctor had no idea about....he doesnt know that i feel 'feverish' almost 5 days in a week!) Anyway, he diagnosed..
'Umm..its a lil vague situation...
it could be that latest viral thats srpeading..Aaal symptoms lead to that...see..jaaint pains...FEVER..
(i emphasised 'feverish'..)
Which he completely ignored and continued…
‘Get a 'Master Health Checkup' done'. The Master Health checkup was actually the mother of all checkups and had some 27 tests!
It meant 6 hours for all checkups..i was glad because meant 1 complete day off from work.
So, I called up at work and told 'em..i MIGHT have some viral fever...I have to get it checked…...to this my manager reacted as if I have AIDS! ..And I was immediately given 3 days off...till I get ALL my tests done...! (Such jerks in my ofc! Good for me though!)
The Master Health checkup was on Friday so, waiting in anticipation I spent Wednesday and Thursday doing absolutely nothing..not even going to the gym..because it could aggravate the grave situation..(this ofcourse was only an excuse …because I had been wanting to bunk gym since a long time now!)
I was instead kind of concentrating on what disease I could possibly have amongst- arthritis, osteoporosis, and rheumatism. And as I thought more, I felt more pain. I could not possibly rule out 'bone cancer' completely! I Googled all possible things realted to 'bones and pains' and at sometime or the other I felt that I has some symptom or the other in the past few years..! Maybe I had ‘all of the above’ kind of a situation here!

However, Friday came and although not going to office can be a very exhilarating thought…but instead getting molested in various forms such as needles, ultrasounds, and ECGs..turns all the excitement into anxiety and also ‘anguish’ to a certain extent.

Went through all the drama…got all the tests done…and waited some more to find out the results…! (Lot of suspense, as y’all can imagine!)

So, I get back with all my blood tests, ECG reports, ultrasounds…the works. The physician looks at the reports and smiles…'Absolutely nothing….everything seems pretty normal!
Blood count- good
Blood pressure- normal
Hemoglobin- good
Albumin-excellent…(whatever that is..)
(and rattled on for some more time with a lot of other biological-sounding names which were all ‘Good’)

Then, she stopped at Cholesterol…
'Umm….ur cholesterol levels seems exceptionally HIGH!
I mean, ur good cholesterol is good but ur bad cholesterol is bad…'

(OK..that really helps!)

Then, went on to tell me that I need to consult a dietician.

Having high cholesterol was the last thing on my mind…!! Fuck psyche!

However, consulted the in-house dietician who bombarded me with all possible questions about my diet and concluded I need to cut off on calories…!
????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Along with it being very humiliating it was very shocking..
I could only stare in disbelief …1.5 months of some kick-ass cardio exercise and I get cholesterol problems!!???

What kind of a joke is that??
So, I have to be on a ‘strict diet’ for 3 months … or my ‘heart is at risk’!! (I suppose God found a lot of humor in this under the current circumstances. But I would like to say ‘Not really!!’)

The irony is that this still had nothing to do with my ‘joint pains’ because the physician told me…u might have to see a rheumatologist and NOT a orthopedic!!

What the fuck??!!

Suddenly, its like goodbye to all ‘good stuff’ in life!

Pbhhht!

Dedicated to BUSH on 9/11

Overheard on Discovery Channel...in a (yet another) program on 'India'...

(To be read in American accent only)..

This is called the 'paraate wala gully' in the famous 'chandni shock'... This..is the most famous shop that serves bread fried in pure gee... It is called 'Gaaaya prrraasud sheev sharon' (gaya prasad shiv charan)
it means ..

Offerings from Lord Shiva..

(?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)




I felt like saying out loud...

'Kisi ne tera maamu banaya, saale firangi!!'

There is no end to a bad day it seems...

In MY bad day...

• I woke up late...(missed the cab!)
• The maid dint turn up ..so i started the day...washing tons of dishes
• Walked more than half the way in *black* cordruoy pants...(I say, along with its name, b'lore has also lost its 'Airconditioned city' label because the auto walas preffered to laze around than drive a couple of km down a harmless road!..bitches!)

The mood was set for a bad day already..and i thought in my head 'okay...BRING IT ON!!'
so, He brought it on..

• Confusion supreme ruled my head as usual......had to say 'No' to a job offer i had been waiting for!
• Wasted a lot of time in the ofc...mulling over things i've been thinking abt since years now...and reached to very stupid conclusions like 'timeout'!
• Went for the super aerobics-cum-item number class....and as we wannabe-jane-fondas-but-very-unlikely women panted and puffed ...a horny old man came in (old is not be mistaken for a 'fortish uncle' he was OLD..RETIRED OLD kinds)...and he had the time of his life..watch us do the 'butt squeezes'! All womenfolk who read this will agree that PMS lowers our power of tolerance by atleast 100 degrees (if on a non-PMS day, u have say 100 degrees of tolerance!) Howsoever I stared back at the horny old guy..he would return the stare with the most menacing 'lech'! I decided it was better to excuse myself frm the class than burning my blood instead of calories.
• i made 'curd rice' and accidentally put triple the amount of salt...rice and curd was all i was left with at home to eat! (I stopped buying Maggi in an attempt to 'eat healthy'..it was a very bad decision i realize..i will never 'timeout' you Maggi!)
  
• I am hungry and cranky!...
• There's no cable TV!

waaaaa!

I am going to sleep...this list CAN get longer!