Ummm....can you repeat that?

I cant believe I am just approaching this disgusting Red Tapism drama in a big way. Its one of those things which you see someone going through in TV in a very non-funny episode of Office-Office maybe!

After a whole 2 weeks of riff-raff, angst , emotions, and arguments about how I HAVE to be at the client site (Holland) to be working on that project, I get to know by a smug-faced guy that I will need a Birth Certificate from the Municipality if I want a Work Permit.

Of course, I did not have a “Birth certificate from the Municipality”. ( I mulled over this for some time thinking my parents have been VERY careless in my upbringing, how can they NOT have my birth certificate?! And how come my sister has it? I being born after my sister, I think they must have gone like ‘Err…um…municipality, registration, certification…forget it, she anyway doesn’t seem to be a very promising daughter – as I was born a week after the due delivery date!)

I was taking this not so heavily like ‘what now??’ and so I casually asked ‘So, there must be a work around, right?’ And then his smug smile got smug’er and wider and he pushed his chair back, folded his hands behind his head. That was when the panic attack began …
He told me a painstakingly longish, sarkaarish process..by the end of which I was about to faint..!

A period of extreme unrest and nervousness followed. Primarily, because I HATE to have anything to do with sarkaari daftars and my laid-back'edness seems to be seeping in my bones!

Somehow, I needed reassurance and I ask some geek programmer guy (GPG) from my organization who is working in NL on a work permit. Here is the whole deal in his own words
(Which means the typos/spellings are his own…I thought of editing but on second thoughts, his original version lends the desired touch and effect. Please accommodate with grammar issues and such.)

According to GPG, I need to do this –

You need to go to municple office and tell them that you dont have a birth certificate

They will ask you to tell which hospital did you born

You tell them that you born in your home...not in hospital

(I went..’errr’ but he interrupts..)

Then you can get a bit early otherwise they wont allow you to fill the form also..

They will send you the hospital to get verification

Then you need to give some money to clerk...

Me- (unaware that this was just the beginning, start to curse!) err…I don’t know why my folks lost my original cert.??

GPG (continues)

Even if you have that wont be good enough to have visa of NL

They seek a certificate that issued within six months

So anyway you have to get it a new...

They dont accept certificate older than 6 months

After that your certificate will have to be attested from Ministry of Home, Haryana

That means Home Secretary will have to attest it
He wont attest until he does not have recommendation from DM of Faridabad

DM will only sign if he sees ADM's signature

ADM will sign if he finds it forwarded by Health Inspector

So it takes lot of time

For me it took 40 days

The best way is

You give some money to clerk..

He will send it to Health Inspector with his recommendation

Then you deposit it in DM office...and pay some money to the clerk...

(by this time, i am calculating that i would have 'pay some money to the clerk' three times already!)

May be if you know somebody in Chandigarh who has some jack in Home Sect..

Then he will send it to the concerned person..

Local authorities takes lots of time rather than Home Sect.

Once it is approved from state gov

Then Madhu (the travel desk guy) will send to to External Affair ministry Delhi

It wont take much time..just 4 to 5 days

Samjhi.??


Instead of saying 'yes', I Alt+F4 the chat window and reach out for some water...completely hyperventilating on this and getting psyched out by an image of a ‘pandeyji’ type of a person chewing/spewing paan and greedily counting currency notes with his grimy fingers!

I say, it’s too overwhelming to react immediately!

OXYGEN someone!