'DO' bandarr GHAR ke andar!!

When I just about brag about anything, I get ‘one tight slap’ from the almighty! So, a few days ago.. i had this conversation with mom over the phone:

Mom: hope u are not scared all alone in the house…vimal comes very late
Me: Short laugh ( something to the effect of ‘are u kidding me?’) No maa, am not scared… what scared ..scared of what?? u know I don’t get scared and all… what bakwaas??
(I have always been their ‘boy’ and I really don’t get spooky scared or generally girlie scared .. am used to being on my own and stuff…or so I thought)

Mom: No bachha.. still ..keep the doors and windows closed at all times..there…
Me (cutting her short as usual) : Kyaaa..?? mamma..!! haan haan theek hai.

Cut to… three days later:

I was sitting in my room watching TV (which is generally at a loud volume… very unlike me… but it gives me a feeling of NOT being alone…in which ever room I am..) In this house, I keep hearing noises from other people’s balconies.. which are a lil close.. general noises ..wailing kids… banging of doors… ‘bartans’ clanging on the floor….. and foot thumps frm the floor above… and it all always sounds like its happening in your own goddamn house.. either this place is too quiet or the neighboring houses too close… so I hear all of the above noises and turn up the volume. After a while, I hear a very crystal clear noise of a toffee wrapper ..very close… too close to ignore…! So, I rush to the living room and find a MONKEY..nicely on two legs teraring away the wrapper of a mint toffee …. My first reaction… I scream…. ( ridiculous!) I take a step forward trying to ‘shush’ him away.. and in turn he shushes me like hell… baring his teeth and the works…! So … shit scared, I lock myself in the bedroom. Half mortified and half ashamed of being scared to death of a goddamn ‘monkey’..!! ( ok..yeah.. laugh your head off… wait until u see a monkey growling in your face.. its no where close to funny..! huh!)
So, I call up vimal, and he also finds is funny .. but doesnt get a pleasant reaction from the terrified to the bones me and he gags his laugh and assures me that he will be there shortly..coz he had the keys to the main door….. So me numb with shame and disappointment of feeling fear in a long time ,I wait locked up in the room… thinking the monkey also must be laughing his head of too..! So, there was me sitting inside… hearing him create a ruckus in the kitchen. After 20 agonising minutes of hearing the Bandar rampage my kitchen.. vimal arrives with the security guards of the building… I finally open the bedroom door… still a lil shamefaced. But the monkeys have done their ‘monkey business’ and left ( there were two). My whole kitchen is in a mess.. they seemed to have hunted all possible edible things… and torn open all packs of ‘namkeen’, chips, biscuits… assholes!! Was my fault…left the kitchen door invitingly ajar!!

Guess, out of all the edible goodies ( including the cooked food on the dining table), did those bandars choose to take with ‘em?? Maggi and mints..!! my two all time favorite things ..hehe… I think I am a Bandarr after all!!

Till next time!

PS: on a more serious note, a few days back I saw a documentary on Nat Geo. Showing the increasing monkey menace in some cities of India. Monkeys in the urban cities are more aggressive, most probably tired of humans shushing and resolving to beating ‘em with laathis sticks to shoo ‘em away. So their first reaction to any human threat is to fight back instead of scampering away. The fighting back is usually.. scratching or even biting.. and monkey bites are most often poisonous and take longer to heal than other animal bites such as dog bites or cat bites..!!